I have 2 ragdolls who are the loves of my life.
Both 11 years old and one with kidney failure and heart problems. He is allergic to everything and has ongoing to reactions to things here and there.
Several months ago he was on deaths door after not eating and drinking and since then he is getting subq fluids once a week which has been helping and he is 100% normal on the outside.
This past week we used some fatty acid supplement on his fur & he seemed to have a severe reaction to this as well. After $1500+ and going to the emerg the poor guy, hopefully is going to get through it...
I have since looked into seeing a therapist for counselling since I am such a mess when he is sick. I feel like I won't get through another day without my cat if he passes away.
I do have anxiety and stress but not a huge amount and don't feel like this about anyone or anything else. I can not function at all through the stress of my cat being ill or the thought of him dying.
My husband has been supportive but lately he just cannot handle how emotional I am when it comes to the cats. I know another person who is like me but it is very hard to find people that relate.
I have already told my husband that I can not have pets again. I already feel like I won't get through another day if my cat dies.
Do you feel like this? How do you get past it and deal with the stress and anxiety...?
Whitneyag, Grief is a very painful emotion and is difficult for even the most well adjusted human being to deal with. I was a mess last year when we lost our male Giant Schnauzer to illness and then again when we lost our dear little tabby kitten to HCM in March. You have done the best for your raggies to this point medically and likely in every other way possible so at the moment it's the time that you need to try and live in the now. The good news is that you still have them both with you and you should try very hard to get as much enjoyment from that as possible on a daily basis. Feel free to share their names, and stories here, we love pictures also and would enjoy hearing about your babies.
Having said that though, if you feel like you aren't coping and it's impacting your thoughts and daily life, then it could be time to allow a professional to help you. Usually your family doctor is a good place to start and they can refer you to either a grief councelor or another professional who may be able to help. When I lost our Giant male, I went to a pet-loss support group for short period and it was tremendously helpful. I know that you have paid out much for your baby lately on vet bills so know that help to cope is always available without charge if you look hard enough.
My heart goes out to you and I hope that you can feel the joy that your raggies bring you, this moment and many, many to come!!
You may want to consider that you are distressed in part because you are worried about having missed something important or having failed to come up with some alternative. That is always true with illness, I guess, but is more acute when the patient cannot tell you about it and there seem like more things can go unnoticed. If that is the case for you, you just have to let that go someway because the only thing we can do is observe symptoms and let the vets do THEIR job of diagnosing and prescribing. Your "job" in these cases is to let the vet do her job and follow the steps needed of you for treatment. Nobody can do more than that.
You also need to focus on the time you have with your pet rather than jumping ahead to any grieving process. Part of having cats as pets is that we will outlive them. That is a very sad thought. However, for me, it would be even sadder if we could not take care of them and make their life better all the way to the end.
You may be benefited by counseling by a professional who appreciates the place of pets in people's lives. With that being true for so many, one would hope such counselors would be easy to find. You certainly do not want to work with someone whose attitude is "it is just a cat." Those are out there too.
Good luck in finding peace about this.
Thanks for the advice.
I love every second I have with my little guys and cannot believe how attached a person can get to their pets. It is hard thinking that they will not live as long as me and the thought of them getting sick is difficult to think about. I told my husband that I would rather they go in their sleep. With the illnesses and the 1 cat getting sick all the time. . it kills me to see him suffering, in pain and me feeling so helpless. The anxiety takes over. It is hard to find a counsellor who specialize in dealing with people who love pets. The website and groups I have found deal with death and I want to deal with my feeling so I can deal when the time comes so I am not such a mess.
My husband also feels that it is too hard to deal with me because it is not normal to be this emotional. He loves the cats but obviously can not feel what I feel so it is hard for him to relate and I find it hard not having someone there for support you 100%. He feels more anger and how crazy I react and how it runs my life and how I cannot function if they are sick. I am not sure if it is possible to stop feeling the way I do.
I was wondering at some point if antidepressants would be an option so I can at least work or function when I feel this way. I am a happy person and very outgoing but I crash when things like this go on. I guess it scares me how I am and how out of control and stressed with anxiety I feel and want to understand how to deal with things better so when something happens I can control myself and deal with my feelings in a more functional way....
I think that seeing a good councelor will be your most effective route. They can advise whether or not an antidepressant or any other medication can be of help. Let your doctor guide you towards the professional that he feels would be best suited to your individual needs. While the trigger for your anxiety at the moment is what you are going through with your kits, learning to cope is the key and a good health care professional should be able to assist with a treatment option that will be best for you and your lifestyle. Much good luck to you and your babies Whitney
(08-23-2010 01:52 PM)whitneyag Wrote: [ -> ]Thanks for the advice.
I love every second I have with my little guys and cannot believe how attached a person can get to their pets. It is hard thinking that they will not live as long as me and the thought of them getting sick is difficult to think about. I told my husband that I would rather they go in their sleep. With the illnesses and the 1 cat getting sick all the time. . it kills me to see him suffering, in pain and me feeling so helpless. The anxiety takes over. It is hard to find a counsellor who specialize in dealing with people who love pets. The website and groups I have found deal with death and I want to deal with my feeling so I can deal when the time comes so I am not such a mess.
My husband also feels that it is too hard to deal with me because it is not normal to be this emotional. He loves the cats but obviously can not feel what I feel so it is hard for him to relate and I find it hard not having someone there for support you 100%. He feels more anger and how crazy I react and how it runs my life and how I cannot function if they are sick. I am not sure if it is possible to stop feeling the way I do.
I was wondering at some point if antidepressants would be an option so I can at least work or function when I feel this way. I am a happy person and very outgoing but I crash when things like this go on. I guess it scares me how I am and how out of control and stressed with anxiety I feel and want to understand how to deal with things better so when something happens I can control myself and deal with my feelings in a more functional way....
I am so sorry you are going through this! I think talking to your Dr. is a good place to get the help you need. When i lost my 15 yr old dog & 2 weeks later my 21 yr old kitty, i was just a mess, i put it out of my mind because we had to take a trip for my grandsons Birthday, and when we came home to the empty house & the 2 cedar boxes with the ashes, i just crashed. I swore i could never go through it again! even though the past yr.. i knew it would probably be our last with them, i thought i was preparing myself!!
I cried so much i got infected tear duct & had to visit my Dr, he also helped with a consoling talk. Then i decided to bring my 2 ragdoll kittens into our lives, and love every day i have with them, & if something happens while they are young, i will get another. Sounds like your babies have a wonderful loving home with you. God Bless and good luck to you.
It is a mistake to think of our cats perceiving illness as we do. They are more in the moment and are quite capable of enjoying completely simple pleasures such as sleeping in the sun or being held. They really do not "miss" not being able to do something they enjoy very much, like run. One sees this in the quick change in them when they feel better. They do not have the foreboding of yet another round of illness to come or some period of upcoming discomfort. We are upset for them, but it is a mistake to believe they are in distress. We may know the vet visit is tomorrow. They do not.
Whitney sweetheart - I so feel your pain. This past year, I lost both my darling Ragdolls after only ten years with them. My darlings Savannah and Cheyenne BOTH were diagnosed with cancer within a few months of each other. Savannah with lymphoma was suppose to have a 70% chance but I was told Cheyenne's illness with carcinoma would progress quickly. We saw five vets, three vet oncologists, and a vet radiologist. We tried everything recommended, spending over $22k to save them. But I lost them both within a few very short months. It was devastating. Like your babies, they too were everything to me. And I too am crushed. But you must be strong Whitney. They both need you more then ever. Especially your baby who's not well. And when the time comes you must be brave and let him go.
I tell you all this as the only thing I regret is trying so hard to hang on to my babies. Especially Savannah. He became ill first and I put him though months of chemo and radiation. He had so many sick days in my efforts to save him. I wasn't suppose to lose him. But I lost them both. Thankfully, Cheyenne didn't suffer as much except for a short period where we tried chemo and except for his very last day. But I regret letting that day happen. He had stopped walking and eating the day before, and I still tried to hold on to him in hopes we could have one more good day. I should have let him go.
Letting them go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and the pain was unbearable. But for your baby's sake and for your peace of mind, do be brave when it comes time. And then keep your focus on your other baby and enjoy him while you can. And yes, keep reaching out for help. Find a good professional to talk to and keep coming back to this forum. You'll get lots of understanding support and love here.
Whitney, I hope you will seek the opinion of your doctor and tell him exactly what you've told us. It may well be that an antidepressant or antianxiety drug, counseling, etc. would be appropriate for you at this time especially since you're feeling that you don't really have the support you need from your husband. It's likely that he's feeling helpless to help you. I hope for all the best for your family and your kitties and please do take care of yourself so you can take care of your kitties like you want.
I can't offer any advice beacuse I feel that grief is such a personal thing. I wish you peace and understanding and hope that you can find a way to this.
It took me a long time to deal with the loss of my dog Toby. I still to this day miss him but find comfort in the good memories that we shared.
Much love and many thoughts from me to you.
Lexi