Ragdoll Cat Forums

I wanted a snugglebug and certainly got that but I'm having a little problem with Dexter and am looking for some advice.
He and I spent much one on one time when he was in the "safe" room and he loves physical contact which is great but he's now decided that it should be to the exclusion of everyone else. Over the past week he has decided that he doesn't like me snuggling with any of his sibs. He can be fine on the floor playing but if Katie comes up on my lap, he's maniacle, he jumps up immediately and tries to bully her off of me. It's not just with Katie, when watching TV, if our Giant schnauzer Molly puts her head in my lap, he does the same thing. I'm a writer and I work from home, doing the lion's share of my work in the early morning hours. For years, I've had our mini schnauzer on my lap, and more recently, Katie on the chair back snuggled into my neck. Dex climbs up now and harrasses until they are both off of me.
I put him down and have resorted to putting him into our bedroom (where he meows his head off). I'm conflicted because I don't want to deter him from wanting to be loved but how the heck to you teach a kitten to share? He's becoming the same way with my husband also and pushes the others off of his lap. If you put him down, he seems to become even more determined. The others have been very patient with him thankfully, but do you think that this behaviour will calm down as he gets a bit older? I still have so much to learn when it comes to kittens.

I don't know what can help you, sorry, but I believe that there is people here with many good advises to you! I hope that you find a way to change Dexter behaviour!

You are lucky this is so obvious. Sometimes the signals are more subtle. You can put him down to make room or just have times in which you have private time with each, so that that one will have your attention and the others will have each other. You should also keep trying to teach him to be with you and comfortable that the others are there too.

Thanks Jan,
I have been managing "special time" for each of them daily and I know that we have been a little over-indulgent with Dexter to date. It's the brashness of his behaviour that is a little tiring. He can be happily purring on my lap, and one of the others will jump up on my husband and whooosh, off he goes to get rid of that one. He will share a lap with Jack our mini schnauzer but with the other two, he just wants them off of us. He is a very dominant little personality. You can tell it's a power play because most of the time, once the other gets down, he'll get down too. I'll just keep trying!

When he tries to leave to be the enforcer, hold onto him. ; )

We only discovered this with one of our cats when the older one died and the younger one suddenly became a lap cat. We had never noticed the skunk eye, but obviously he had been warned off for years and we just thought he was less of a lap cat. In your case, it is obvious and you can deal with it. That is an advantage.

(07-28-2010 08:06 AM)JanH Wrote: [ -> ]When he tries to leave to be the enforcer, hold onto him. ; )

We only discovered this with one of our cats when the older one died and the younger one suddenly became a lap cat. We had never noticed the skunk eye, but obviously he had been warned off for years and we just thought he was less of a lap cat. In your case, it is obvious and you can deal with it. That is an advantage.

Very good point! Time for me to grow a backbone and become the enforcer myself. I've been the "dominant" force in the house forever with the dogs but have been too much of a pushover so far with the kittens... time to pull up my socks!
Thanks for sharing what could happen if I let the behaviour continue Jan, I want all of them to be able to warm my lap

Dexter's mom- I am so glad you brought this topic to light, and Jan for clarifying what to do with this behavior. We have this going on so subtlety, to the point I've started thinking I'm making it up. AHA! Thank you both.

(07-28-2010 08:06 AM)JanH Wrote: [ -> ]We only discovered this with one of our cats when the older one died and the younger one suddenly became a lap cat. We had never noticed the skunk eye, but obviously he had been warned off for years and we just thought he was less of a lap cat.

By any chance...do you recall how long it took the younger one's behavior to change? Was it pretty immediate (within days) or did it take weeks or months?

Sometimes I wonder if Newman is friendly but not a lap cat / snuggler because he came into a home with 2 older residents who were lap cats and they "taught" him that my lap was NOT an option for him (without my realizing it). I lost them both this year but so far, Newman hasn't really changed.

(07-28-2010 12:37 PM)gussie Wrote: [ -> ]Dexter's mom- I am so glad you brought this topic to light, and Jan for clarifying what to do with this behavior. We have this going on so subtlety, to the point I've started thinking I'm making it up. AHA! Thank you both.

LOL, there is NOTHING subtle about our little hurricane!

(07-28-2010 02:01 PM)halebop Wrote: [ -> ]By any chance...do you recall how long it took the younger one's behavior to change?

It was immediate and that is why it was so obvious what had happened. That does not mean it will take the same time for all cats in the same situation. In either event, you need to keep trying to attract the closeness you want by small steps each of which are made attractive to him.