Ragdoll Cat Forums

First, I have to say I 100% adore Newman. He'll be a year old in 2 1/2 weeks!

Here's the great stuff: he's happy. he's friendly. he's interested in what i'm doing. he greets me at the door. he follows me to the bathroom and the kitchen. he purrs like crazy when i pet him (usually). he's a good boy when i groom him. he's been sweet with my other cats. he purrs if i pick him up (but only if i put him down after maybe 8-10 seconds tops). he seems very content and he loves to play.

the bad stuff: he doesn't sit with me - ever. he doesn't lay next to me - ever. he doesn't approach me for petting or affection - ever.

It's an odd combination because he's friendly but never affectionate. I spend time with him. I comb him daily. I pet him most times I walk by him and he seems to like it but he still won't seek it out. If I carry him to sit with me he'll leave the first chance he gets.

Is it just the way he is or something I did or didn't do when he was a baby? Could it be because he came home to 2 other cats and was more interested in them than in me? I don't think so though...b/c when his brother Meeko followed he came in to 3 other cats and he was much more cuddly. (also not a lap sitter, but a snuggler and he did approach for petting and love all the time)

I love Newman but will confess - I'm hoping when I get my new baby that he will be more affectionate and more interested in sitting with me or sleeping near me. (Newman will sometimes sleep in my bed but only at the very bottom far corner)

Any thoughts? Thanks!

It may be that he wasn't handled very much when he was tiny kitten at the breeder's. I have found that the more I handle the kittens, even briefly, and the earlier I move their pen down into the lounge where we spend most of our time, then the more sociable and cuddly the kittens are. I encourage all of the kittens here to sit on our laps from around 6 weeks. I know how important it is to me and to other raggie owners

Work on a plan of rewards and interactions HE likes to move by small steps from where he is to where you want him to be. If he will let you hold him for one second, work on making it two. When he comes to be fed, pick him up for cuddles and them put him with his food. If you want him to sleep with you, take him to bed EVERY night even if he jumps down immediately. Cuddle him and BRIBE him with a piece of hand fed kibble or a bit of turkey baby food or whatever he likes. Make him PAY for what he wants by giving you a bit more of what you want. Do not ignore the greater ease of manipulating him when sleepy. ; ) Move his favorite lounging furniture right next to where you knit or read and reach out to pet him. Do not push things to the point it is counterproductive because he does not like it. Observe so that you know when you can keep him a bit more before he gets frustrated or need to let him go.

I hope some of Jan's excellent suggestions & tips work for you.

Jane, I must say that I noticed right away on Louise's videos how well Snowdrop was socialized. She is also self-confident and playful with not a worry in the world. She is just having a ball in her new home....it could not be cuter to see. Good work!!!

Thanks everyone! I'm guessing a lot of it is just Newman. Meeko was from the very same litter and was very affectionate. Also, I do notice that Newman has a great temperment in that he's very secure. He isn't fearful. He's curious and gentle and overall seems to be very well adjusted. I just wish he "needed" me a bit more!

I'll continue to work on it.

It is not possible to know exactly why some kittens are this way. It can be socialization, but it also can be conditions in the household, including another pet. The "signals" among them may be impossible to spot. We had a Himalayan who was never a lap cat until our dominant older Siamese died. We had never seen any interaction that made us suspect, but the Himalayan must have understood he had limited lap time and was happy to be cuddled for long periods as soon as that "message" was not being given anymore. It may also be the lap. Some will be lap cats with one person and not another. Why? Good question.

When my Deeter went away (I am still telling myself he was adopted by another family and is being well loved) Desiray became a love bug. She would never jump on your lap, ever, now she seeks out attention and sleeps with us and the whole 9. She had a special relationship with Deeter, he groomed her etc. so I think he provided her all the lovin' she wanted, and now that he is gone, she has turned to us less furry folks for it.

Halebop he sounds just like Merlin! He purrs a lot, loves head rubs, brushing and playing, and is constantly meowing to check where we are, but as soon as we pick him up for a cuddle he struggles to be put down. He always sleeps on the floor at night and will sometimes sleep on the end of the bed if its cold. We've tried to carry him to bed but he jumps straight off. He's also quite scared of anyone new and will hide under the bed until they're gone. He's 1 1/2 now and despite our efforts we have come to the conclusion that its just his personality. He is the sweetest, most gentle creature and really "mothers" the other cats, and we love him just the same. I do wonder sometimes if its the way he was brought up at the breeder's (he comes from a different one than our other two, who are much more confident). I have a feeling he is also on the bottom rung in our kitty heirachy, Lancelot usually claims the best lap and the best spot on the bed, and Merlin is the last to approach his dinner bowl (even tho I put out dinner for everyone at the same time).

good to know I'm not the only one! i think i was spoiled too b/c the first two cats i owned (Abys) were both over the top attached to me. they literally piled up in my lap every single time i sat down even if i just needed to tie my shoe. even though i know (in theory) that cats are all individuals i think based on my prior cat experience i was assuming newman would be the "same" in that regard just because i'd spend a lot of time and give him a lot of love.

before i brought him home the breeder used to give me updates 3-4 times a week (photos, stories, etc.) even after she had the deposit and when i visited her home all of her adults were very very friendly towards me. i'll never know but i don't really think it was a lack of handling there. i'm just hoping when i get my new kitten that he'll be affectionate since i won't have room for any more after that!