I have never been married and I have no children. Although I am older I still want my mother's approval. It is not that I depend on it or allow it to rule my life and dictate what I do (like I used to). There is just a sense of comfort in it. Well, I told her today that I am getting a cat-did not tell her about the second one. She is upset, saying that she is disappointed that I will NEVER get to go anywhere now. My mother is convinced that she will end up having to tend to the cat. Both my sister-in-law and I explained to her that a cat can care for itself much better than a dog.
I have other family members who are thrilled for me. Just wish my mother was one of them. I guess I could tell her that one of the reasons I am getting cats instead of dogs is to keep her from feeling that she has to tend to them. You see, when my little dog was alive she would stay at my parents' house while I was at work. So, Mother got really close to my little dog (although she would never admit it)
I have lived in my present house for the past eight years. Only for the past four months have I been alone. Before that my little dog was with me. She would always meet me at the door-even when she was at her sickest. I miss her terribly and will never forget her. Yet, I am ready for a new pet-new furkids. Everyday I struggle with chronic depression. It is not uncommon for me to have a bout of significant depression. Adopting my new furkids is making an investment in my mental health. I know that I can care for them and I want to care for them. I have a good job that I work hard at and have the financial means to care for them and continue meeting my other financial responsibilities.
It's hard to let go of seeking our parents' approval, even when we're adults. I often worry about what my mom thinks, even though I'm 39 and have been looking after myself quite nicely for many years! Argh. My mom isn't a cat person either, and even though she knows how important Teddy is to me, she has said on occasion, "Your life was much better before you had that cat." It's usually after Teddy was sick and spending time at the vet's.
I'm sorry that you struggle with depression. I've been there myself on a few occasions. It's important that you recognize it and seek help, even if it's to talk to a friend. Your new kitty will no doubt bring you companionship, but it's also important to remember that our feelings are easily picked up by our pets, especially cats. As long as you focus on what you bring to each others' lives, and not look for your cat to make you happy, your life will surely be enriched.
Coral
Oh yes, regardless of how old you are, if you have a good relationship with your parents, you still seek their approval. I definitely used to seek my mom's approval (she died in 2008) more than I've ever seeked my dad's -- wonder why? LOL
Does your mom have any pets of her own? I find that people that don't have pets don't understand the companionship and unconditional love they bring, and the enrichment they bring to your life. I can tell you that until I had Simon, I certainly didn't understand it!
Just wait until she sees those kittens and falls in love with them. Next thing, she'll be looking to adopt some raggies. I would just be sure that if you go somewhere on vacation, that you make arrangements with a pet sitter or someone other than your mom to take care of them. Then she shouldn't have any complaints!
Your not alone, my mom as well makes her comments on how many kids/pets I have. I'm looking for another kitten and I won't even tell her because I don't want her to try and change my mind. I love my Mom we are very close but she is very opinionated and it can drive you crazy. Your mom will come around when she sees that all is well. Good luck to you!
Why is it Moms can make us feel so guilty,My mom seems to have that power over me too
I love my mom and we have a good relationship but boy do I ever know when she disaproves.
It has taken me a long time to understand myself and who Iam and that I needed to stop giving her that power.
I just got tired of living my life as a flicker of my imaganation,I know I need to be respetfull of her and sensitive of her feelings but I also need to respect who I am. It is so easy to fall into that we are condition from childhood .
You will be fine and so will you mom try not to feel guilty it is just a kitty.
My advice is to hire a petsitter (either a friend or a professional) when you go out of town. That way, your mom can't complain! Or at least if she does then she won't have valid reasons behind it
Sorry, I know this post is a little older... I have just been on holidays for 2 weeks and am trying to catch up on all the posts (I'll add photos of my trip once things settle down with my cleaning, work, and study catch up
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When my mum found out that i was planning to get a kitty she reacted in a similar way. Although i had just moved out and didnt need her approval she thought that "i wouldnt be able to look after it, i wouldnt be able to afford it, and that i would have to move back home and would have to bring it with me for her to look after"
She came over on the first night i got my little pickles (his new nickname) home and he won her over. She loved him and visited almost every day to see "her baby" (i had been in my new house for a couple of months and my mum had not visited once)
So just hang in there. If she is anything like my mum was, she will not approve of you getting the kittens, but once she meets them and sees how absolutely adorable they are and how happy they make you, I think all will be well.
Well... my parents didn't say much about Cyrano and Diwan. We all loved my previous cat deeply and they knew it was only a question of time before another cat would join the family.
The drama started when I took Ebony. My mom couldn't voice enough how disappointed she was in me for falling head over heels in love with a kitten I had only seen on pictures. She thought it was crazy that a single woman got herself a third cat as it would prevent me from visiting them. Very shortly after they got the news they came over to visit and of course it didn't stop there and I heard a lot from her when strangely my father seemed ok with my decision (he is usually the one who tells me when I am "wrong"). When I wanted to show her a pic of the kitty she flatly refused telling me she couldn't care less. I let it go and went to bed angry (bad idea). The next day at work I didn't cool down and at diner we had the conversation that was long overdue.
I remained calm but explained very clearly that no matter what that little one was going to be part of the family. I made her understand that I understood her concerns but that she was not realistic with her fears and concerns. We cried a little and after saying all the things that needed to be said, we kissed and she looked at his pics.
Now Ebony is her favorite kitty in the house. She fell for him as completely as I did. When thing weren't too bright between him and Cyrano she even proposed to take him to live with them for a while or forever... Now I check her bags before she leaves, I don't trust her LOL
Sometimes you need to stand your ground even in front of the people you love most. Sometimes it needs to be harsh, sometimes gentle is enough. I love my mom to pieces, she is the most important person in my life (be reassured my dad is close behind), but I can not allow her to hurt me with her words.
We are grown ups, we make decisions. We might be right, we might be wrong. But at the end she is not the one who will face the consequences, we will... This is what being responsible is about
My mom does not like any animal in the home. She has never liked the cats but then they belong to us. Now that Mom does not travel she does not say alot but she will ask every time we go how the boys are and I have to bring my bragbook a smaller version of the scrapbook I have of them. It is hard to believe they are 8 months and in about 2 weeks Mykah will be 7 months.
Hang in there because they will change their ppinion once they see how loving they are.
Do what is right for you now..
An investment in mental health is worth its weight in gold.
Your mom wants the best for you and just doesnt understand. She eventually will accept and understand. You can still have a life and a pet. At least with a cat you can go away overnight and not worry. More than 2 nights you have to make arrangements.
I believe when you are happy then she will be happy too!